Originally published in May 2011.

Last month I was inspired to write to IrishCentral after Colleen’s Harte’s piece on “Ten things I now dislike about Irish men”. While it’s fair to say that for the most part we’re not all George Clooney-esque or anywhere near perfect, I thought it only fair that the Irish-American male’s voice be heard.

Although I’ve dated some great Irish ladies, who are feisty, fiery, smart and great fun this is not always the case. Irish women aren’t so perfect themselves and that’s why I’ll be giving them a wide berth on the dating scene. Frankly, recently, I find Irish women to be more trouble than they’re worth.

Here are my reasons why:

Fake tan

The smell of this stuff alone is enough to put you off any Irish woman for life. Their insistence to cover themselves in false tan in the hopes of turning themselves into a bronzed goddess, there really is no point ladies.

I have had to dump several sets of bed sheets after a strange orange  Shroud of Turin like imprint was left behind. Give me pasty skin any day over an orange umpa lumpa from “Willy Wonka”.

Drinking

When someone told me that any Irish woman could drink me under the table, I brushed it off as an urban myth. Years later drinking beer and shots of whiskey with an Irish lady friend, I learnt the hard way.

Yes, yes it’s honorable you have a good tolerance for alcohol, but that does not give you the right to harass the barman at 3am for more shots. Less is more ladies.

Paranoid

I swear, if I’d heard the phrase “what’s that suppose to mean?” one more time! Irish women seem convinced that all men are speaking in hidden meanings and are in fact always having a go at them. This is not the case.

Irish women need to relax and learn to be less paranoid. There’s no better way to start a fight than digging at innocent comments. Let it go. Even if you’re trying to be nice it can still back fire due to their paranoia.

Cannot walk in their shoes

Too many women move to New York with aspirations of becoming a character from Sex and the City. The Irish especially seem to have an affinity for Carrie Bradshaw and her sky-scraper heels.

It’s a simple rule ladies, if you cannot walk in them, leave them at home. You may not be the tallest breed of women in the world, but I’d much rather see you arrive in sneakers, than have to haul ass home with you strewn over my shoulder.

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Bossy

After dating an Irish women for a while you’ll suddenly notice that please and thank yous go out the window. Even the most pleasant things like organizing a barbecue for friends begins to feel like a military operation as orders are barked at you and you are expected to obey.

Too feisty

I think I have only ever been slapped by two women in my life, one was my Irish mother and the other was my Irish ex-girlfriend.

Irish women are extremely feisty and while of course this can be endearing, when she starts screaming insults at a driver who just took her spot in  the car-park, all you can do is squirm and look away.

Talk too much

I’m not positive but I’m pretty sure that Irish women got more than their fair share of ‘the gift of the gab’. Irish women can literally ‘talk for Ireland’. It’s just as well someone invented Skype.

I women think nothing of an two-hour trans-Atlantic phone call but unfortunately it doesn’t end there. Irish women talk, and talk and talk unfortunately many of the women that I’ve met didn’t really have that much to say.

Not ladylike

What a turn off when the blue eyed, freckled Irish girl asks the barman for a big dirty pint when she looks like she walked off the set of “Sex and the City”. That little black dress and fake eyelashes should not be matched with a pint of beer.

If you choose to relocate to New York, at least try to feign sophistication.

Stuck up

Now this could just be me but over the last while I’ve noticed that when you’re talking to an Irish girl they immediately ask “What do you do?” It seems to me that Irish girls might put too much stock in the size of lads wallets rather than in their personalities (they will no doubt deny this emphatically).

A lot of Irish girls I have met seem to dream about moving to the U.S. and marrying a Wall Street banker.

Spend too much time shopping

On my life I’ve never met people more obsessed with shopping, store, bargains and labels than the Irish girls I’ve dated. They can waste entire weekends shopping and spend the rest of their week planning their next attack on the stores.

When they get off that plane they cannot seem to get to Macys or Jersey Gardens quick enough and the obsession doesn’t wane either. One girlfriend I had even got her mother to bring out clothes from a store in Ireland, as if there wasn’t a big enough choice here. Insanity.

It seems for Irish women, shopping is pastime.

So there you have it. Rest assured Irish women out there, that these are just my thoughts, although some of my buddies did agree with me on some of my opinions!

Oh and just one final pointer for the road, Irish women don’t take criticism very well and I imagine the response I will get to this article will prove my point!

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