JAILBIRD Paris Hilton certainly is smart as a whip when it comes to generating headlines screaming for mommy after she was hauled back to the slam last week was a hoot! but when it comes to civics and current events, well, she's got some brushing up to do.

There was a funny piece by Barry Egan in the Sunday Independent last weekend when he reported on his trip to Los Angeles last October, courtesy of La Hilton, who was due in Ireland to promote her perfume line. She kept him waiting for a lunch date for two hours, and then, surprise, surprise, continually chatted on her two cell phones during the interview.

The reporter attempted to give Paris an Irish pop quiz in light of her imminent trip, and her previous gushing of, naturally, loving all things Irish. Egan recalls how it went:

"Who is Bertie Ahern? A famous chef or the taoiseach (prime minister)?" She looks at me like I am asking her to make a porno movie with me on my camera phone. "The taoiseach?" she asks.

Is Roy Keane a ballet dancer or a football manager?

"A football manager?"

Have you read Finnegan's Wake? "No."

Or Brendan Behan? "Nah."

Name a song by U2. "Beautiful Day!"

According to Egan's report she did get another Irish fact correct. "I heard it is cold and it rains a lot," she said.

Okay, maybe the Roy Keane question was a bit tough (though Paris will surely make friends with the gruesome Posh Spice when the Beckham circus lands in LA), and knowing the Gaelic for prime minister even harder, but this admittedly dumb blond should spend her time in the pokey getting up to speed on things that really matter in this world, now that she's told Barbara Walters that she wants to change for the better.