Dear MTN, My name is Taylor and I have a huge problem. My family lives in NY and my parents are big fans of your column. I am presently going to school out of state. This problem has gotten so big and caused so much stress in my family that my Mother asked me to ask your advice. I am sorry that it is so long. I really hope you can print this, especially since my whole family is counting on it. School is coming to an end and I am graduating. I am currently dating a guy Jim and we've been together for the past two years. He already got a job offer in Texas and has asked me to marry him and come with him. He told me since his job will be paying so much, that I can take my time finding a job in Texas and not to worry. Well my family is in an uproar. Not only do they not want me to get engaged to Jim, but they are insisting that I return home to NY after I graduate. It's a long story, but the short of it is: Jim is not Irish, like my family would like. Did I always think I would marry an Irish Catholic boy, yes, but now after knowing and dating Jim so long, it doesn't matter as much to me as it does my parents. Jim doesn't come from a big family like I do. I am the youngest of seven children, and they all went to college and moved back to NY. Granted they all have wonderful jobs, but my parents don't think I'll have the job opportunities in Texas that I will have in NY. I am very family oriented, that is why it means so much to have my family's approval on all this. Obviously that is not going to happen. Jim is an only child, and I do admit he doesn't understand what it is like coming from a large family and being so family oriented as I am. My mother even says that Jim is purposely trying to keep me away from the family. I'm not sure that is the case. I know he is jealous of my family, but I think that is normal since he's an only child. My whole family also doesn't think that Jim is compatible with me. We come from a very athletic family and Jim is not athletic at all. Do I wish that Jim was more athletic and liked sports more yes, but I also love him. It would hurt me very much to break up with him. The worst part is, my parents told me if I don't come home, I will marry Jim, get divorced, and they would never forgive me for hurting them. Their side is, our family is the most important thing in the world, and since they don't feel Jim is the right one, that I need to come back to NY and get a great job, stay close to the family and find a better choice for a husband. As for Jim, he is really pressuring me to come to Texas with him and get married. He says my family is trying to control me and that he is my family now. I don't know what to do... Any advice you can give will be greatly appreciated by me and my family. - Taylor Dear Taylor, I can sympathize with all of you. This is a huge decision you have to make, and this decision will impact the rest of your life, so please take the time and think it through, regardless of the advice I am going to give you. I too come from a large family and we all went to college and came back to NY. It is a great thing be have a large close family and be family oriented. I wouldn't be the person I am today if I wasn't blessed with such a great family. I realize many college students go away to college and don't return home to their home state and are happy, so I'm not going to say it's impossible for you to go to Texas and be happy. But growing up in NY, I'm sure you realize your Mom has a point of all the fabulous job opportunities there are in NY for recent college graduates. Even my nieces and nephews, Laura, Matt, and Kevin, who have gone away to college have returned back to NY and have fantastic careers. I am so proud of them! Jim should never have called your parents controlling. If you ask me, and you are, he is trying to control you, and I'm sure it is because he doesn't know what it is like to come from a big family. Right there that is a major incompatibility that you two share. He probably thinks that he will always be #2 in your life if you both live in NY. Getting engaged so soon after graduating I also think is a big premature. You both still have a lot of growing to do. I think it's also best that you first figure out what you plan on doing for the rest of your life and start your career, before you get married. These should be the best years of your life. Your whole life is ahead of you. You can be anything you want to be. You have your education. There are millions of great job opportunities in NY. You are fortunate that you have such a large and close family. Be proud of that. If Jim loves you enough to marry you, he should understand your feelings and not put this much pressure on you to separate from your family. If you truly felt that getting engaged to Jim and moving to Texas was what you wanted to do, you would never have written me for advice. I suggest telling Jim (if you truly love him and think you might have a future with him one day), that you plan on going back to NY because that's best for YOU! If he would like to come and look for a job in NY great, if not, you can try a long distance relationship-but also suggest that you need more time before the engagement. Remember how high the divorce rate is. Before making such a huge step, you really need more time and experience to decide if he is right for you. Also be aware that if he picks the long distance relationship, that your relationship will probably feel the strain on that right away. But it's better you find out now, rather than later. Sorry Taylor, Sorry Jim...I'm with Mom and Dad on this one. My rule of thumb is that Mother's are always at least 90 % right. Don't think of this as bad news either, please think of all the benefits you have before you. Once again, enjoy this time of your life, you will probably always look back on these years as one of the best times ever...Remember, there are also millions of single men in NY. Good luck to you, and best of luck to you with your future. - MTN Please send in your questions to [email protected]. Maureen Tara Nelson is one of New York's most successful Matchmakers, with an offices on Long Island and in Manhattan. She has been seen on HBO, and heard live on the radio many times. For information on her service, check out her website at Mtnmatchmaking.com or call 1-888-31-MATCH.