Dear MTN, Hi, I need your help. I am currently separated from my husband Bill of 10 years. We have two children together. He will not let me move on with my life. He is in all of my business, and asks the kids all questions about my single life. I know how important it is to keep the children out of our adult business, but he is using them to find out everything about me and it's hurting me and the kids. Should I bring up to the children that they shouldn't talk to their father about anything that is personal about me, and risk the chance of hurting them? Or should I just say nothing and go through this hell he is putting me though. Currently I am dating a few different guys, and if he finds out about them he will really try and make my life miserable. - Karen Dear Karen, It sounds to me like it's time to make the move to divorce and not just a separation. I'm sure he isn't going to like it, but you need to be happy, not only for yourself, but for your children too. By being divorced, you will be protected both emotionally and physically (through the laws), not to be harassed by your ex anymore. You need to do this as soon as possible. You are right that he is hurting the children by bringing them into your personal, adult business. You would think everyone knows now in this day and age how important it is not to do this to children. It is a shame that he is doing this...the further you get away from him the better. I would also very casually just mention to your kids that since Mommy and Daddy are no longer married, that it's important to keep your business private, as well as Daddy's business private to you. Depending on their age, that hopefully will be enough to do the job. If it isn't, you need to discuss with your ex, how detrimental it is to continue what he is doing to the children. Once you are divorced, I'm sure you will feel more relieved on moving on with your life. Good Luck! - MTN Dear MTN, I really need your help. I've been dating Bob for a year now and we've been talking about getting engaged and married soon. The problem is with his ex-wife. He keeps her on his medical insurance to be nice (as he puts it.) Because of this, they still are very close, and she still has a lot of control over him. For example, I have met his two kids when we've taken them out together, but his ex won't allow me to ever come to a family function. I am so hurt that he listens to this nonsense. Her reasoning is that we are not married, and he is only separated from her and not divorced, therefore, technically they are still married. I do see him every night and he basically does live with me, so I know there is nothing still going on with them, but this summer his family has a lot of parties that he will be going to, and because of her, I cannot attend. Is this normal? Am I over reacting? Other than this issue, everything is great in our relationship. I just can't wait for the day, that he gets her off his insurance, and divorces her, so we can get married. Any advice will be really appreciated. - Susan Dear Susan, I know you said and think everything else is great except this very minor thing, but actually this is a huge problem, and I wouldn't be surprised knowing that he is accepting these terms from his ex, that there will only be more trouble and problems coming soon. I hate to say it, but that is rediculous that he would listen to her and not have you attend the family parties, especially if he does expect to marry you one day. You didn't mention when he plans on getting his ex off his insurance. If it is sometime soon, for example, if she just started a new job and has to wait three months before getting insurance, that's one thing...if he is waiting for her to find someone and get married and go on his insurance, then you have a real problem on your hands. It's hard to answer your question without knowing all the facts. As far as not being invited to the parties, that is a huge RED flag. You need to be honest with him and tell him that really hurts you. Once he hears how you feel about this subject, you'll see how the future will be with him. If he agrees with you and takes a stand with his ex and brings you along proudly to the parties, then I say, keep him. If he makes any excuses why he needs to take her side on this, then I say DUMP HIM! - MTN Dear MTN, Thank you for your column. I really enjoy reading it every week. My sister is single, 35 years old and very beautiful, yet she can't meet a quality guy. I agree with everything you've said before in your column about not meeting men in bars and the internet etc. I had a talk with her about joining your service to meet only quality, nice, decent fellows, and she is into it. The problem is she doesn't have much money. I know you've mentioned also that all of your clients are financially stable, and unfortunately she's not. But I am, so I was wondering if I could pay for it for her? Will you accept her even if I have to pay for it for her? Please say yes. She would be perfect for your service. Thanks, - Suzy Dear Suzy, That is so nice of you to do for your sister. I really admire that and it says a lot about your family that you would do that for her. When it comes to my service, all of my clients are attractive, nice, quality, commitment minded singles. The guys are all financially stable and that is very important to the girls, without being gold-diggers. Guys, don't worry, I don't accept gold-diggers. The guys however, are looking for a beautiful, loving, sweet girl to hopefully share the rest of their life with one day. If I asked the guys right now would you mind if I brought into the service a beautiful girl (your sister), but her sister had to pay for it for her, would they mind? Every guy I can guarantee would say, please bring her in. So the answer is Yes! Please call and make your appointment at either of my two offices 1888-31-MATCH. - MTN Please submit your questions to MTN at [email protected]. Maureen Tara Nelson Private Matchmaking, Inc. 1-888-31-MATCH