Back in the day, weddings in Ireland were a pretty simple celebration. There were no engagement parties, stag dos or hen nights, and the weddings themselves were often a 'sandwiches back at the house' kind of affair or a small dinner with just your immediate family and closest friends. But there was a pre-wedding celebration for the bride called a kitchen party. And here at One Fab Day, we feel there's still a place for this lovely Irish wedding tradition.
What is a kitchen party?
A kitchen party is a traditional Irish take on a bridal shower or hen parties that were popular in America and the United Kingdom, especially in workplaces before a woman got married. Today, a kitchen party is less about extravagance, and more about giving everyone a chance to celebrate your day with you, in a low-key way.
A kitchen party is usually thrown by your Mum, mother-in-law, granny, or aunt (basically a family matriarch) and it's an opportunity for the women in your family, neighbors, friends of your mother, and a few close friends, to get together ahead of your wedding in someone's house. Not everyone on the kitchen party guest list has to be going to your wedding, in fact, it's often about those not attending having the chance to wish you well.
What happens at a kitchen party?
For the most part, everyone bakes or brings sandwiches or salad, it's hosted at home and is generally a more tea and cake affair (with a little bubbly thrown in for good measure!).
There's even an Irish wedding tradition to have the bride's wedding dress hanging in the bedroom, so guests at the kitchen party who wouldn't be at the wedding, can go in and take a peek.
There may be some gifts for the bride, but they're generally trinkets, like candles or teaspoons and other small things for the home, or pieces of what's considered the bridal trousseau, such as garters or handkerchiefs, rather than expensive or extravagant presents.
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Why a kitchen party is a great idea
The traditional kitchen party is something of a cure-all for many pre-wedding predicaments. For many women getting married, (especially if you're living abroad or don't see your family very often), you can feel a little out of the loop with your extended family or in-laws, so it's really lovely to reconnect in advance of your wedding day, and let them in on some of your plans, and give everyone a chance to get excited about it.
A kitchen party is the perfect way to include your mum, mother-in-law, and aunties in the build-up for your day, without having to invite them to your hen too if you feel the itinerary isn't appropriate to their sensibilities. It's also a great way to include little ones in your family if you're planning an adult-only wedding.
On your wedding day, you won't necessarily be able to make introductions or get people mingling, so a this is a handy opportunity to introduce various sides of your family or life to each other. Your aunties will have a chance to meet your bridesmaids, your mother-in-law can meet your brother's new girlfriend, and your school friends can see your mum - and in turn, they'll hopefully mix again on your wedding day too.
Traditionally, neighbors would come out to see you off from your childhood home on the morning of your wedding, but with more and more brides getting ready in their own homes or at their venue, having a kitchen party is a lovely excuse to see your neighbors before your big day.
These people may have known you since you were little, so while you may not have been able to fit them on your guest list, they are still invested in your day, and excited to hear all about it - the same goes for people like your friends' mums (who may have known you for years) and your mum's pals too.
A kitchen party is also a great option for an older bride, a second-time bride, or a bride who just doesn't want a hen party. Of course, there can be cocktails, a feather boa and lots of decorations too!
How to host your own kitchen party
If you love the idea of having your own pre-wedding party, talk to someone in your family about hosting it. We're sure your mum, sister, aunt or mother-in-law would be honored!
The idea is that is has a homely feel, and is a low-key affair, so don't worry about fancy invitations, decorations and catering. Do whatever is easiest for you, whether it's scones and tea, trays of sandwiches, or a pot-luck.
If you're the host, make sure the guests know that no gifts are expected and that there isn't a dress code. It's simply a relaxed get-together.
You can have your kitchen party a few weeks or a few days before your wedding, whatever works for you.
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