David Beckham
There is just something beautifully idiotic about the David Beckham ‘fragrance’ being rammed down our throats and up our nostrils on this gaudy home stretch to the Christmas spending season.

There is a marvelous Zoolanderesque quality to the advertising material delivered to us via different mediums. You could imagine Beckham gazing into the camera with that clumsy handsomeness of his, whispering ‘Beckham, it smells good. Like myself. Because I use it’.


Of course, Beckham isn’t the only sporting superstar to bring out his own fragrance. Let us not forget the following stars and their essence! All perfect stocking fillers.

‘$’ by LeBron

An unexpected delight! ‘$’ smells like a rolled up bundle of dollar bills, ya’ll. Subtle and carefully crafted to balance the scent of craving for cash and the sweat dripping off greedy palms. The opening notes include layers of the faint whiff of 10, 50 and 100 dollar bills. Wow, what a treat!

''mMmmm my hands, and my enormous wealth, smell good''

‘Premature’ by Tebow

New on the market, this stylishly presented fragrance comes in a mini statue of Jesus, with the scent emanating from the mouth of the statue when depressed. The smell reminds the user of that damp, stale odor of church seats, sore knees, remorse and guilt. Best worn too soon.

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Did they leave out the ''...in 2013'' bit?

‘Wookie’ by Hope Solo

A dry Sandalwood Spice blend. This sultry and rich complex fragrance opens with a heady and exotic profusion of the Forest Moons of Endor. Unique packaging with several refill bottles in a bandolier style worn over the shoulder across the body. For women who wear size 12 shoes worldwide.

‘Greasy’ by Ronaldo

‘Greasy’ is a very unique fragrance. Provocative, sensual, and very pleasing to both men and women. Often more so to men. ‘Greasy’ has a musk, sandalwood, and amber type fragrance that is very well balanced ,it somewhat reminds you of the classic men's type cologne from Royal Copenhagen. Or the men’s toilet in the back of The George after a long Friday night’s ‘partying’. ‘Greasy’ is confused, sexual and spunky!

‘Sexy!’ by Kobe

Oh, yes, this is it! A custom blend, it’s one of the sexiest fragrances on the market. Bottom notes of White Carnation and blood orange are the perfect foil for the heart notes, comprised of a sneering, aggressive and angry scents, with just a touch of pay-off. Doubles as a powerful mace alternative.

‘Swing and a miss’ by A-Rod
A unique fragrance in that it is actually inserted into the body, secreting its odor out after insertion. The beginners pack comes with its own needle and directions how to find the meaty part of your ass. A musty scent, guaranteed to go completely stale when your heart beat increases. Wearing ‘Swing and a miss’ describes you as a man who does very little when it matters most.


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